Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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