Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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