So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
