just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
