im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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