Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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