piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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