Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
