Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
