So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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