i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
