i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
