pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
