My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
