how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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