Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
