he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
