I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
it's like heaven, but drunker
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
