Please, let me fuck your mom
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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