8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
