The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
