I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
