The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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