Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
