he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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