need another drink. this is the easiest way
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
