Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
