It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
