I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
