Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
