I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
