So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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