I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
