She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
