The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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