i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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