i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
