I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
