I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
