Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
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Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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