I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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