4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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