I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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