My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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