It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
