yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
