sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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