This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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