Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
