So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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