omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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