Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't deserve a penis
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
