The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
