It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
