JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
