I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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