I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
