I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
