i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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