my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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