One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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