u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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