So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
