ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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