Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
