it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
