I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
