What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
