After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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