my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
