I have demons in me.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
