3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
