she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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