If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
