I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
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I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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